The “No” Stage in Toddlers: How to Handle It Without Losing Your Cool
- Marianela de Sousa
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
Join our family to give your child the best foundation for the best future — schedule a guided visit to ABCnMe.
The Famous “No” Stage in Toddlers
If you're raising a toddler, you're probably very familiar with the famous “No” stage. That moment when your little one seems to say “no” to everything, sometimes for no apparent reason. It can be exhausting, frustrating, and even make you question whether you're doing something wrong.
But here’s something not everyone tells you: saying “No” is a powerful sign that your child is growing, developing their personality, and beginning to understand that they are an independent being. It's not a whim, nor a personal challenge against you. It is, in the words of renowned pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, a fundamental stage for your child to learn to gain control over their life and emotions (Brazelton, 2019).
A few weeks ago, a mom told me:
“My 2-year-old daughter used to be an angel... now everything is 'NO!' She doesn’t want to get dressed, doesn’t want to sleep, doesn’t want to eat. Sometimes it makes me want to cry.”
That mom is not alone. And if you're going through something similar, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your child... it means they’re growing. They just need you to guide them—not to dominate them.
Why Do Toddlers Say “No” So Much?
Between ages 1 and 3, your child’s brain is in a stage of explosive development. The word “No” becomes their favorite tool to express that they have a voice, that they can make choices, and that they are testing boundaries and the world around them.
According to child psychiatrist Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child (2012), this refusal is one of the first expressions of a child’s sense of identity. They’re not doing it to defy you—they’re doing it to assert themselves.
Additionally, as infant development expert Magda Gerber explains in her book Your Self-Confident Baby (2002), young children need the freedom to express emotions in an environment of respect and clear boundaries. Saying “No” is part of that self-regulation process that they are just beginning to develop.
Join our family to give your child the best foundation for the best future — schedule a guided visit to ABCnMe.
How to Keep Your Cool When the Answer to Everything Is “No”
We know it’s tough. There are no magic formulas, but here are a few tips backed by evidence and real-life experience:
Take a deep breath and shift your perspective
When your child says “No,” remember—it’s not a battle, it’s a conversation in progress. Their brain is learning how to express itself.
Offer real choices
Instead of “Do you want to take a bath now?”, try “Do you want to take a bath before or after playing with your blocks?” Choosing between two controlled options gives them autonomy while you keep the lead.
Validate their emotions
Phrases like “I understand you don’t want to turn off the TV, you were really enjoying it” help them feel seen and understood, which lowers resistance.
Redirect with respect
Shifting the focus to another activity or game is often more effective than insisting. Sometimes, all it takes is a creative question: “Do you think dinosaurs also say ‘No’ when they don’t want to go to bed?”
Be firm with affection
Setting limits doesn’t mean being harsh—it means being clear. As the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP, 2018) states, effective discipline is firm, consistent, and based on mutual respect.
Myths vs. Reality
Myth | Reality |
“They’re manipulating me” | No. They’re exploring how the world works. |
“I have to win the battle” | It’s not a war—it’s a relationship. |
“They should always obey me” | They need to learn to think, not just obey. |
What If You Can’t Always Be Patient?
You won’t always get it perfect—and that’s okay. The "no" stage in toddlers doesn’t require perfection, it requires presence and patience. Remember: you’re not raising someone to always say “yes,” but a person with thoughts, emotions, and self-worth.
As Magda Gerber says:
“When you listen to your child with respect, even when they say ‘No,’ you’re saying: ‘I see you, I understand you, and I love you just as you are.’” (Gerber, 2002)
Join our family to give your child the best foundation for the best future — schedule a guided visit to ABCnMe.
Referencias
Brazelton, T. B. (2019). Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development. Da Capo Press.
Gerber, M. (2002). Your Self-Confident Baby: Support Your Child's Emotional Growth. Wiley.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). (2018). Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children. Pediatrics, 142(6), e20183112. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-3112
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