My Partner and I Disagree on How to Raise Our Children

When Couples Disagree on How to Raise Their Children

Have you ever felt like you and your partner are parenting in two completely different worlds? What’s fundamental to you might go unnoticed —or even spark conflict— for the other. So, how can you find a common path to raise your children as a team?

“Is it okay for him to watch TV before bed?”

“Why are you talking to the child like that?”

“I would never hit him, even if you think it’s necessary.”

If you’ve ever said or heard something similar, you’re not alone. Co-parenting often means facing differences that, if not well-managed, can create tension affecting the entire family. But parenting together doesn’t mean always agreeing—it means learning to listen, respect, and work together for your children’s well-being.

1. Why Do We Parent Differently?

Every person carries an invisible backpack: their own upbringing, values, fears, and dreams. Pediatrician and neuroeducation expert Catherine Gueguen explains that these differences are normal and that:

"The key is to understand that the other parent also wants what’s best for the child, even if they express it differently." (Gueguen, 2016)

If not handled carefully, these differences can confuse or even hurt children, who need security and consistency in their environment.

2. Practical Strategies to Handle Differences

Here are some helpful tips for building agreements:

• Open, non-judgmental communication

  Set aside time to calmly talk about your thoughts and feelings without blame or criticism.

• Focus on shared values

  Instead of arguing about methods, focus on what you both want for your children (respect, safety, independence).

• Agree on clear and shared rules

  Even with different styles, agree on rules you both support and enforce consistently.

• Compromise without losing yourself

  Sometimes it’s better to give in a little than to fight constantly. Decide what’s negotiable and what isn’t.

• Support each other in front of the child

  Avoid contradicting or arguing in front of your children to prevent insecurity and confusion.

3. Improving Communication About Parenting

To prevent misunderstandings and resentment:

• Schedule time to talk

  Daily life can get in the way, but a weekly check-in can help avoid built-up frustration.

• Practice active listening

  Instead of quickly responding, listen with empathy to how your partner feels.

• Don’t try to “win” the argument

  The goal is collaboration, not competition. Look for joint solutions.

• Celebrate what works

  Acknowledge when you’ve found an agreement or a parenting strategy that helps the whole family.

4. Signs You Might Need Professional Help

Consider seeking help if:

• Parenting arguments are frequent and tense.

• Children show anxious or insecure behavior due to inconsistent rules.

• One partner feels incapable of handling the disagreements.

• Family life is being negatively affected.

A family therapist or parenting coach can be a valuable support for your family’s well-being.

5. A Short Example to Reflect On

At a parent meeting, one parent said:"

When my son throws a tantrum, I send him to his room until he calms down."

Their partner replied:"

I prefer to sit with him and validate his emotions."

With professional guidance, they learned to combine both approaches: providing emotional support while also setting clear and firm boundaries.

Conclusion: Parenting as a Team Is the Key

Your children don’t need perfect parents. They need a team that communicates, supports each other, and grows together. You won’t always agree, but you can build a respectful, consistent, and loving parenting approach—together.

At ABCnMe, we believe every child and family is unique. Our team closely supports each child’s growth —and accompanies each parent— in a safe, warm, and personalized environment. Schedule a guided visit and experience how we nurture children and families every day at our preschool.

References

• Gueguen, C. (2016). Por qué los niños necesitan que les abracen. Urano.

• González, C. (2017). Bésame mucho: Cómo criar a tus hijos con amor. Ediciones Temas de Hoy.

• Markham, L. (2016). Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. TarcherPerigee.

• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Bantam.